Way Too Little, Way Too Late: Rare Gives "Inside Peak" at Twelve Tales after Nearly 2 Decades

There probably aren't any Rare fans left. What kind of idiot could be a fan of what Rare has become today? But for those of you who, like me, still love what Rareware once was I recommend you check out this pretty cool video, where "Louise" from the Conker team gives viewers a look at unseen footage of Twelve Tales, the game Conker's Bad Fur Day was before it got a much needed gnarly makeover.

If you're a Rare or N64 you may know the story but here's a dumb-show for the uninformed: Back in 1997 Rare was working on two action platformers starring cuddly heroes. Banjo Kazooie and what was then called Conker's Quest, later renamed Twelve Tales: Conker 64. When BK was released, Rare found itself in a pickle. Conker was too similar to Banjo Kazooie and a litany of other cutesy, colorful platformers popular at the time. Rare, demonstrating creativity and nerve totally unknown in the video game industry today, decided to turn family friendly Conker into the raunchy and infinitely more memorable Conker's Bad Fur Day.

OPINION: Good Times are Here Again for the Video Game Industry

It is not my usual shtick to share optimism, especially in regards to the industry. Video games have had a rough 5+ years of drama, infighting, political tomfoolery - none of which contributed to the creation or enjoyment of good games. But I think after nearly a year of butthurt we are beginning to establish a new era of video games, one more similar to the one we were familiar with back in the 90's or early 2000's. And it is all thanks to GamerGate.

I'm sick of GG. As necessary as the last year has been, it hasn't been a great year for new video games (save for FNAF, thanks Scott!). But within all the intense criticism of this "movement" or "boycott" or whatever you want to call it, there is a simple message that we the consumers communicated to they, the industry;

• Make fun, high quality games and offer them at a competitive price.

That is all anyone wants out of any industry. Good product at a reasonable rate. For far too long developers, publishers and "journalists" have benefited from low expectations from wasteful spenders. But as always in capitalism, companies that embrace such a business model pay for it dearly. Sony is hurting. Microsoft is hurting. Even childhood rapists Electronic Arts are hurting. Video game journalists everywhere, those that work for large publications that is, are dying en masse. 

It is the video game journalists, what few that remain, who must be destroyed for us to complete our victory. Good news is that this is very easy and already occurring. We all have the tools to educate/inform ourselves about products and the industry. We do it ourselves, on Youtube, on forums and imageboards, and yes, through blogs. If mainstream "journalists" don't have the scoop, readers go elsewhere. When readers go, advertisers do. When advertisers go, the publication dies. If these journalists had not become so greedy in the first place they would not have sown the seeds of their own unemployment. 

Winning is assured my friends. We are the fans of this medium, which means we will always prevail over those who are not fans. Stay the course and keep doing what you have been doing.

Two for One Rumor Mill: Shovel Knight Amiibo apparently REAL!

That Shovel Knight Amiibo that people have been talking about like crazy? According to the UK editor of Destructoid (gross I know, but still) that thing is real.

According to this tweet from her, at least, it is.

Here's a picture of what it is supposed to look like, apparently:

Rumor Mill: New Mario Kart 8 DLC leaked on Youtube?

A video from Youtube channel Gamer Central was posted alleging that a New Super Mario Bros. U themed DLC pack for Mario Kart 8 was coming to the Wii U eShop. The supposed leak is classic blurry Youtube fare, but the level of effort is pretty impressive for a fake.

The quick ad spot seems to announce Bowser Jr., Kamek, Birdo, and Nabbit as new characters to race in Mario Kart 8. Also two unspecified mystery characters were present. Also announced in the ad were 8 new tracks and 4 new vehicles. Somewhat interesting stuff - but more curious is what is happening at Nintendo lately? Operational security seems to have been abandoned.

Anyways here's the video:

Tim Schafer says Broken Age "to break even"

After over 87,000 suckers were fleeced nearly $3.4 million dollars - an unholy process today referred to as "crowdfunding" - well documented has-been Tim Schafer reported a few days ago that Broken Age will likely recoup the cost of its production, as reported by gamesindustry.biz.

That a former titan like Tim Schafer can now only "break even" with his games is a depressing testimony to the declining quality of his games, his studio, and his ability to create. The creator of Grim Fandango and Psychonauts should be dazzling audiences with his new titles. Instead we get Broken Age, so plain I mistook it for a loaf of white bread.

But Tim Schafer and Double Fine are protected from the consequences of producing low quality video games by pandering to very hollow hipster nostalgia and abusing the already questionable crowd funding system. The 87,000 contributors must feel such pride to have contributed to such a project. Hopefully they were satisfied with the end product. If not, well, there is absolutely no means for them to hold Schafer, Double Fine, or KickStarter responsible.

This is the flaw of Crowd Funding and why I would advise anyone reading this (all you millions around the world) to never participate in crowd funding in any form. When crowd funding you are making a risky investment that offers you no reward for your risk and no guarantee of a good product. It is capitalism for chumps.

Returning to the point, Tim Schafer and Double Fine are surely better than just breaking even. Now that they are past Broken Age hopefully they abandon KickStarter forever and return to a higher standard of quality? Or maybe not.

No Man's Sky Gameplay

Here's a clip showing off the first 6 minutes of gameplay for No Man's Sky. It looks pretty interesting - with some polish and some further depth hopefully this will be a real winner from Hello Games.

Although Hello Games and their distributers have been hyping this game for years now, no release date for No Man's Sky has been officially announced. Damn Hipsters can't keep a schedule.

EVO 2015: Zero Wins Smash 4 Tourney with Amazing Combo

In case you missed the Super Smash Bros. 4 Competition at EVO 2015 this weekend, you missed a doozy of a competition. Particularly this incredible finish by the Smash Bros. Invitational Champion and possible best Smash 4 player in the world, the scarfed wonder Gonzalo Barrios, a.k.a. ZeRo. A comeback which shall be forever immortalized as "The Hoo-Hahppening"

Other spectacular highlights from the Smash 4 tournament included this absolute slap in the face by Abadango, playing Wario, against his long time rival Dabuz playing Rosalina. Dabuz completely fell asleep and Abadango was quite right to shake his posterior at him.

Even though unbeatable champion ZeRo may have reigned supreme in the end, I think Abadango was the real star of this competition. His Wario game is unreal and he wields those farts like surgical ass missiles. His Pac-Man abilities are impressive as well. Watching him wash over his foes with a tidal wave of projectiles is far and away the best use of Pac-Man seen yet.

The Waft Destruction

Here's the Abadango vs. ESAM match, which is an absolute roller coaster. Highlights include the entire first set and Abadango's spectacular use of projectiles at 8;20, 9:25, and the finish of the 2nd set at 11:25. The finale in the 3rd for the match was really a joy to watch. Abadango might not have won the tournament but he won the hearts and respect of neckbeards everywhere.

Part 1

Tiny Part 2

For more information about the Smash 4 Tournament or EVO in general, be sure to check out their official website. 

Rumor Mill #3: Animal Crossing Amiibo Festival to have Online Play?

Nintendo's showing at E3 2015 without a doubt raised a few eyebrows. In light of Satoru Iwata's passing and Nintendo working on NX it makes some sense they weren't able to put together the most amazing show. E3 Conferences tend to be bipolar as well; one year a company will put on a great showing and the next year that same company will totally shit the bed. Nintendo is no different.

This year a number of games were really the subjects of a lot of fan frustration - sorry you never got a chance, Federation Force. But I experienced the most bottom harm due to Animal Crossing: Amiibo Festival for several reasons. First, a traditional Animal Crossing game for Wii U would be a slam dunk. I expected that either at this E3, or certainly the next, an AC game would be announced for Wii U. I also expected it to have a great deal of Amiibo support and compatibility.

I did not expect the game to be entirely Amiibo based and completely mandate their use. Even though the game will come with Amiibo, I still think that is lame. Today I have learned some new information which at least makes me a little more optimistic: an anonymous photograph of a promo box for Amiibo Festival confirmed there will be online play. Which has been conspicuously absent from the Mario Party series entirely.

Hopefully now that Nintendo is going full retard with Amiibo they will start making other smart game design decisions as well. They have some making up to do after E3.

OH SHIT: Five Nights at Freddy's 4 Trailer + Release Date News!

In case you haven't seen it, the trailer for Five Nights at Freddy's 4: The Final Chapter

Not to gush, but FNAF has always had the sickest trailers. I bet FNAF creator Scott Cawthon has gotten attention from people making horror films, his sensibility for exploiting fear is sublime. I suppose I should strike this line - I just read the Wiki article which confirms a movie is being explored.

Anyhow, the game was supposed to come out Halloween 2015. But after dropping this trailer, Scott Cawthon confirmed that the release date was being moved up from October 31st to August 8th, to commemorate the 1 year anniversary of the release of the original.

How cool is that? Cawthon is one of the few game developers delivering good news instead of bad. When was the last time a developer moved up a release date instead of delaying?  

Tweet by Randy Pitchford Proves Confirms Loss of $10M On Colonial Marines

Randy Pitchford, co-founder and current CEO of Gearbox Software, is apparently a pretty shit business man, demonstrably foolish, and should probably stop using Twitter for his own good. He admitted in a Tweet on July 14th, as reported by Gamespot, that he invested $10 Million of his own money on top of the other capital invested in the game.

$10 Million, of which he lost every penny when the game bombed. Besides the terrible business sense of the decision (isn't "don't invest your own money" a central tenet of business?) but it also raises some serious eyebrows regarding the quality of the final product. Was he trying to conceal the fact that the game was a load of crap with money?  Was something even crazier going on? Things seem to have spiraled downward for Gearbox over the last couple of years.

It's a shame that with so much money floating around Gearbox can't make anything decent. Hopefully they can turn themselves around in the near future.

Rumor Mill #2: Miyamoto to lead Nintendo?

The Wall Street Journal and My Nintendo News recently wrote articles suggesting that Shigeru Miyamoto is a likely contender to replace Satoru Iwata as Nintendo of Japan's CEO.  An interesting idea - Miyamoto is the personification of Nintendo's relationship with the fans and a worthy contender for carrying on Iwata's legacy.

Unfortunately this is all most likely bunk. Miyamoto is too heavily entrenched in the development aspect of game development. Mr. Miyamoto is somewhat like an inverse of Mr. Iwata. Both talented developers, both smart business men. But Miyamoto has always focused on the personal game development aspect while Iwata naturally gravitated towards the business aspect and later leading the company.

Bottom line: Miyamoto is too good at making games and too integral to that process to take the helm as CEO. What few rumors might exist are bogus.

Speculation: Silent Hills

I wanted to post this as a "Rumor Mill" type of post, but there is nothing more to support these beliefs beyond logic and a few whispers on the internet. But sometimes it is worthwhile to take a big gamble on something seemingly impossible - it just does not make sense to me that Hideo Kojima and Konami's Silent Hills can just be dead.

Not referring to the almost certainly false rumor that Microsoft could potentially save Silent Hills. Phil Spencer emphatically denied this possibility with a Tweet. And the logic of Konami's decision seems consistent, if not wise - they have more or less left the American market completely and delisted themselves from the New York Stock Exchange.

But if Konami is really going to axe this project, after all the hype and excitement it produced, after all the work they did producing such an unusual engine and contracting with so many big names, then Konami is dumb as hell. That is Capcom levels of moronic. But with master showman Hideo Kojima being involved we can never know what is truly going on. Are we getting played? Or does Konami really just not know what they're doing?

And if it is all true, when Allison Road  comes out and does very well (which I can almost guarantee, it looks excellent and is filling the vacuum left by Silent Hills perfectly) everyone at Konami will be kicking themselves for years, no matter how much profit might have been saved by abandoning the West.

New Amiibo in September - Gamestop most likely NOT allowing preorders

You could have easily lost the Super Smash Bros. Nintendo Direct in the insanity of E3. The Direct, which took place the day before Nintendo's main Direct for E3, hit the viewer with a  ton of information on top of an already swirling rumor mill. Many Amiibo fans were delighted to see the announcement of a number of new Amiibos - Duck Hunt, Game & Watch, Falco and ROB are due in September.

Take a look at this article from Twinfinite for more info.


A few notes for collectors -

• ROB will have differences in color based on region

• Game & Watch will be fairly customizable. Multiple G&W's, including a version swinging his hammer and deploying his parachute, will be available for you to swap out.

Curious discovery I made on my own, however. I went to Gamestop to ask about maybe (just maybe) preordering Duck Hunt. The employee told me that Gamestop was not going to be taking ANY preorders for Amiibos anymore and will sell them on a first come, first serve basis.

Pretty interesting news. I think a one per type, per customer rule might be more effective but Gamestop is always going to Gamestop.

Rumor Mill #1: Playstation Vita under $100?

The Playstation Vita is in dire straits. Sony's 2nd handheld has floundered since it was released back in 2011-2012. Even by normal console standards the Vita has struggled.

Every new console meets with difficulties during the launch period. Frankly Sony is the king of terrible launches, having mastered the artform with the release of the PS3 in 2006. But the Vita's woes have endeavored well beyond what is considered normal "growing pains". The Vita, according to VGchartz, has only sold roughly 10.5 million units in nearly four years of availability. Contrast this to the PS4, which has sold nearly twice as many units in half the time.

How is that even possible? The Vita is a better console than PS4, if I might be so bold as to say so. Cheaper, more portable and durable, with more support and wider library of games. But consumers avoid the Vita like the plague, despite being decently interested in the PS4.

This has led to persistent rumors about the Vita's future as a platform. Some apocalyptic, some more optimistic. Naturally people will always chicken little a struggling console. Some talk states that Sony might be dropping the Vita as a platform all together.

Wouldn't it be smarter to really dramatically drop the price though? Whispers have been making their way around the tubes of a potential price drop of the Vita to as low as $89 dollary-doos.

That would be a dream come true. The Vita is the console I've always wanted but never had the motivation to save for. That may sound like a bitch move but it is how I feel. Seems like a lot of other consumers feel the same way. An $89 Vita would be impossible to ignore though. That would be one of those things to line up in the wee hours of some cold morning for.

Hopefully this is more than just rumor mongering. Sony is in a desperate situation though. Why not making some money on all the Vita's you manufactured?

The Great Decline of American Video Games

One does not need to be an "accredited game scholar" to observe a change in recent years regarding the quality of video games produced by American developers and publishers. That change being a dramatic spiral into absolute garbage. From the late 80's to roughly the mid 2000's, American video games were exceptionally high quality and value but low in cost. Furthermore the culture of the industry was characterized by passionate fans and smart, bold developers/publishers who had a relationship of mutual respect. Within this climate video games flourished. Not because games were "mature" or "socially meaningful" but because they were fun and exciting. It was a hobby for all the enjoy.

But something changed. Or rather, a number of things changed. I lay the downfall of the American video game industry on four "horsemen", if you will.

• The Big Bang Theory (and television in general)
• Closely related to the above, Fad Culture
• Social Justice and the Desire for Authority and Control
• And the worst of all, global economic downturn.

I'd like to write full articles about the latter three, but The Big Bang Theory and the idiot box selling subcultures to people sort of kicked off this whole shitshow. Americans are desperate for television (usually a sitcom with massive popularity) to tell them what is cool, what should be said and done, and what shouldn't. If you don't think this is the case, remember when "the Rachel" haircut became the dominant hairstyle for women everywhere? 

The Big Bang Theory, or TBBT for short, is the new Friends. And believe me, I cannot think of a more grievous insult. But whereas Friends just inspired women to wear a medium cut hairstyle, TBBT implores its viewers to be like the "cool nerds" on the show. Who are actually, get this, a bunch of not very nerdy people but very gifted performers. Friends sold a haircut. TBBT sells a lifestyle. 

But the lifestyle that The Big Bang Theory is selling is also perfectly timed. We live in a world dominated by advanced technology that requires a lot of skill and knowledge to operate and understand. The "nerd", at least the educated, employable sort, have come to dominate. So most average American television views are interested in being a "nerd". This is where The Big Bang Theory is a horrific failure. If TBBT inspired Americans to learn more about math and science, it would be the greatest show ever and I would be its' biggest fan. But that isn't what it implores. Instead people thought the key to being "nerdy" is to play video games, read comic books, and be sort of "off" but not in a too weird sort of way.

The Big Bang Theory, and television in general, sold "nerdiness" to an entire country desperate for a "something" to be. It set the stage for an entirely new sort of video game "fan", one for whom playing video games was of minimal importance.

*A quick aside about TBBT: No theoretical physics professor at CalTech has time to live the wacky, adventurous life of a sitcom character. That has always bugged me.*

The Great Decline of American Video Games Part 2: Fads and Social Justice coming at some point.

Sexism in the Video Game Industry

Thought this was going to be a long article? Wrong, motherfucker. There is no sexism problem in the video game industry. Video Games literally could not be more "inclusive" - whatever that word means. If you want to play video games but are worried about the lack of "inclusivity", follow this simple guide.

1. Buy a video game and, if needed, the necessary platform to play it.
2. Set it up.
3. Play your fucking video game.

Notice how none of that involved gender, race, or sexual/gender identity. No game will ever forbid your from playing due to your sex chromosomes or racial background or anything else.

Gender/Racial/Sexual Diversity of a development team is absolutely meaningless as an indicator of quality as well. A team of 100 white men can make a great game the same as 100 black women or 100 polygender ambrosexuals can.

That's about it, folks. The reason so many people continue to complain about being "marginalized" or "harassed" based on these issues is because they have no relevancy outside of their perceived "oppression". If any of these shrill, nagging diversity queens didn't have the "boo hoo I'm so mistreated" angle going for them they would be soundly ignored.

The whining children complaining about "lack of diversity" in video games do not produce anything worthwhile. As such, their future in the Industry is dubious.

E3 2015 Press Conference Review: Microsoft

Microsoft has never been much for real earth shaking surprises at E3. Halo, Gears, a little sports here, a little hardware there, etc. This year they knew they had to step their game up after a weak Xbox One launch and first year.

Overall they had a decent showing. Dark Souls III was a stunner, as was the new, modifiable Elite controller.  Backwards compatibility was announced for Xbox 360 games, but before you go losing your mind, it appears to be some sort of "backwards compatibility*", asterisk definitely intended. No idea how that shit is going to work. It does not seem like it will be as simple as "put your 360 game in the Xbox One disc drive". Shame.

Here's my list of what really jumped out at me during the conference.

ReCore : New IP from Inafune which seems to involve switching out orb-like "cores" into different robots which then aid you in a lonely looking action adventure game. Looks brilliant and inventive - I'm a sucker for robot companions.

Rare Replay: I'm a hardcore Rare fan. The day Rare was sold to Microsoft is still the worst day of my life. That being said, this collection doesn't look too bad. $30 for 30 games is a good deal no matter how you slice it. If Conker's BFD has online multiplayer it could be a console seller. Please Lord give us back Live & Reloaded multiplayer!

Sea of Thieves: "...I had a dream once", Captain Blackeye will say, if you hunt him down in Jolly Roger's Lagoon in Banjo Tooie. The dream is now real. Rare is nearly done with their long shelved pirate adventure. If it plays like it looks this game has a lot of potential.

Dark Souls III: 'nuff said.

Cuphead: Indie action platformer that looks like a 1930's Disney cartoon, complete with grainy stock. A brief clip of this title turned a lot of heads at last years E3. It seems it has been expanded into a full title. Old school action platforming with a cool, unique setting - this is what the video game industry needs more of.

Gears 4/Halo 5: A staple of Microsoft E3. I will never get to see Banjo Threeie at a Microsoft E3, but I get one of these two every year. Gears 4 looked, aesthetically, quite impressive except for being too damn dark. The game itself seemed a little stale. The encounter and gameplay felt so scripted. Same problem with Halo 5. The world of Halo 5 seems so cluttered. Everything is so well animated but there is just too much of it. We'll have to wait and see more of these two before a final judgement is passed.

This is a smaller sampling of the highlights. If you want to watch the conference in its entirety, you can find it on Youtube here.

Oculus Rift E3 "Conference" is a Humiliating Spectacle

The fate of the Oculus Rift was sealed when Facebook purchased Oculus VR for $2 billion last March. This author remembers the devastating disappointment felt on that rainy, dreadful day. Facebook and Oculus Rift developers, however, promised that Facebook's power play would not affect the video game focus of the rift in any way.

It would seem that Facebook did not ruin the Oculus Rift - Oculus Rift developers are accomplishing that on their own. Nothing could prove this more concretely than the Oculus E3 Conference which occurred on Thursday, June 11th, just a few days prior to the official start of E3. All that was needed to confirm all our worst fears was what you can see at 3:25 of this segment of the conference found on Youtube.

Notice how excited she seems.

Is VR really going to be about us virtually playing video games in a virtual living room? How is that even remotely different from just playing a video game in your living room? As in, in real life. Hopefully there are far more imaginative uses of the Rift than this. If this is what Virtual Reality is going to be, maybe Oculus VR should make a game where you can virtually stand in an empty electronics store, with hundreds of virtual, unsold Oculus Rift units stacked everywhere.

It's Been Ages

Deeply sorry. I go through periods of thinking video game criticism is pointless and moronic. Then I remember that although that is true, writing about video games and the Industry is fun.

More from me soon - a little about Splatoon, a lottle about E3.